The final installment

As we countdown to lift-off, this is going to be the final Milano Sojourn installment. Get yourself a cup of tea - I'm not promising it will be short. 

It has been an interesting experiment: both the blog and the living in a non-english speaking country with a young family. The blog has provided me with a tiny bit of structure – giving me a focus of trying to make sense of my experiences and record them as well. I enjoy putting my thoughts into words and I realise it has been a strange mix of an ordinary (sometimes boring) record of events and a personal expression of feelings and reflections. It has also been a great excuse to get some good photos to record our time here and trigger memories for the future. I have aimed to try and show the 'best of' our time here but, also, not to create false impressions that it has been one big happy holiday.

Merry go round in Bergamo - a work of art!

A day out in Torino, a couple of weeks ago -
the place where it all started for Rory's connection to Italy

I am sure there is a well described psychological syndrome that occurs at the closure of a season or time. Near the end, it seems, the place where you are going suddenly seems so wildly desirable and attractive and all the niggles and frustrations of where you are bubble up to the surface. Suddenly you only have to cope for a few more days/weeks and then the grass will be greener and the sun brighter and you will have all the energy and excitement of a change. And then, when the end is in sight– it feels like you relax and become sentimental, leaving is sad and you start to reflect on what you will miss and the things you love about the place. The photos below are from an evening out in central Milan. Christmas in the Northern Hemisphere just seems so much more magical!

Christmas in full swing - Italian cities are beautiful by night!

The beautiful Duomo at Dusk

A spectacular Galleria in the Duomo Piazza - central Milan

I have not spent my time here wishing I was home and longing for our house. In fact, I am amazed that I have barely thought about our house or garden at all. I have desperately missed, in a subconscious sense, old friends, chinwags over cups of tea, deep, connecting conversations. It is incredibly lonely (although I have not recognised it as loneliness with Rory around) not being able to be known because you can't understand people or express yourself due to language barriers. Integrating into a foreign culture/language, requires a surrendering, for a time, of the comfort of being known and understood. It is so easy to understand why people form their cliques with others from the same culture and have their own cultural celebrations and gatherings. Had I met another New Zealander here, it would have been very tempting to latch onto them and build a social life around them.

The boys have been a ticket to so many experiences. Gwilym in particular, seems to have grown into a wildly social, extroverted boy and we have laughed so many times at his ability to walk up to complete strangers and just smile, win them over and give them his basic italian introductions: 'Mi chiamo Guglielmo' (my name is italian version of William). He has frequently abandoned us on buses, choosing to sit next to complete strangers and interact with them. Che 'Bello' and 'Bravo' have been said to him a million times and the shop keepers who have got to know him, goo and gaa over him.

Silas has been very brave at using his Italian (often learned minutes before) on any kid he can find. He has been so full of questions about the world and has seemed such a sponge with natural history and even standard history. He has also been very out going, but often following along behind his brave little brother. When feeling like we have failed him somewhat with mainstream education – we try to remember that he has been exposed to so many other wonderful sights and experiences and all that will come in time.

a view from the window this morning!

For me, I hope I will remember the good times and a copy of my blog in hand will help with this. As we leave, a combination of nagging health issues, tiredness, a desperate need for a break from full-time childcare in an italian apartment and some grief thrown in, mean that I don't feel like I am ending on a triumphant high. Back in New Zealand, I have always found it challenging looking after small children: remove all the props and friends to break up the day with and you end up with a mother who is somewhat deflated. I would love to be able to report this differently. Being Jane, I can't help but expose myself through honesty that has no rose coloured tints. We return, looking forward to a New Zealand summer (as I write the snow is falling and has settled overnight) of chatting with friends, getting fit in the great outdoors and finding our 'community' again.

But, this time has also been an amazing opportunity. A chance to cross cultures, have some wonderful experiences and to soak in the beauty of Italian cities and surrounds - a long way from our flattened and broken Christchurch. We know we won't regret choosing to come here for this time and it also opens doors in my head, as to what is possible in the future with our little family. We are very very fortunate on so many levels. I am very grateful for our Milano Sojourn and I hope that I can take my basket of experiences with me into our future - reflecting and learning from the difficult and challenging times and celebrating and savouring the magical moments.

Well, enough words, too many thoughts and time to call this the end.

Thanks to all those people who have read the blog and encouraged my efforts. I look forward to seeing you in person and telling you the stories that have never made it to the page and hearing your stories as well to fill in these last months.

A special thanks to Rory, who has often had to wait, patiently, while I have put these words onto these pages - wondering if sleep might not be a better option!

Arrivederci!

Jane