Firenze and tips for taking small children to world famous art galleries (Uffizi)

Never-fail tips for taking small children to world renouned art galleries (like the Uffizi): by Jane and Rory:

Don’t.

Florence in a day.

Don’t.

And on it goes.

We found a park, we located the Uffizi, we made it through our small queue.

The rest is a little bit of a blur. The boys did relatively well – no melt-downs, constant wriggling by Gwilym on Rory’s shoulders, sighs of boredom, loud- inappropriate- I’m fed-up-noises, the odd close call with don’t  go too close rules.

There are about 49 rooms of masterpieces to make your way through. I think we did quite well for about the first 20. Mostly they are a blur of Madonna’s with sad little, vacant Christ-children on her knee, adored by austere looking angels and surprised looking shepherds – on grand scales and on tiny, dainty, how can anyone hold a brush that carefully scale. And almost always embellished with luminescent gold.

Pearls before Swine is an expression from the bible – it means that you shouldn’t offer something that is really precious to a pig or to someone who just doesn’t care…we booked a couple of days in advance, have little or no knowledge of art history, have two small children in tow and probably qualify as ignoramus brutes. But one day, in the distant future, I may just study art history and remember the moment I stood before a Leonardo Da Vinci – and break down in tears at my lack of care or love or attention for the masterpiece. But probably I will remember that I couldn’t afford to lose Gwilym in the thronging crowds and that my head was already beginning to ache.

I remember one painting, another scene of Mary and Jesus etc but it had a little triptypt at its base and one of the images was of Mary being lead (by Joseph) on a donkey holding the baby Jesus under a starry sky with a small entourage. I remember it because it was an image that our church used on a postcard one easter and I loved it and it was wonderful to see it close up in all its detailed and magical glory.

We left thirsty (no water allowed) and tired, bustling our way through the gallery shop (which I later discovered contained much of the souvenirs of the gallery that we wouldn’t see again) and out into the heat of the day. We consumed a short lunch and my head began to hurt – I realised I hadn’t really drunk anything all day. By the time we had found water, bought panadol etc something bordering on a migraine had set in and I ‘sat out’ from the sight-seeing for the next 2 hours in the shadow of ‘The rape of the Sabine woman’ – as I have just discovered reading Wikipedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Loggia_dei_Lanzi_1.JPG

I also discovered that it is not ok to lie down here (I was roused by a guard) and sat trying not to throw up til panadol kicked in and the crying stopped and I gradually started to take in my surroundings (sort of like a drunk becoming sober) while the boys and Rory went off on a gelato mission.

I didn’t really take in the sculptures much. What really amused me were the people. Our society (and I am a part of it) has been reduced to a bunch of consumerists who consume not only stuff but also sights and art. I watched countless people wander up, click the camera (one-handed!) without even admiring the sculpture by the naked eye and move on immediately to the next sight to be consumed. It all seems so pointless and yet here I am/was a part of it all.

Fountain of Neptune in Piazza della Signoria - I have to admit that this statue was gob-smacking - it is huge!

When they finally returned, I was becoming more human but we sat out another half an hour or so, carelessly letting our precious sight-seeing time gurgle down the plughole while chatting to fellow tourists. I couldn’t have given a ….. They say to give Florence 4-5 days, Florence was going to get 4-5 hrs from us all up.

After being told by Rory that Florence was the place to shop for leather (and indeed it probably is – considering that almost all the leather factories are in a town just out of Florence), I attempted a few shoe shops and handbag shops and mostly failed other than a wallet. Rory did a stellar job at entertaining the kids and we finally made it to the Duomo (the big church of Florence) only to find that Peruvian National day had it booked out for a short time and we couldn’t go in.

The massive Duomo

We wandered the alleyways, finally finding a student haunt café where we enjoyed hot chips for the boys, coffee and some soccer on TV. You have to see the funny side of it really. We attempted the Duomo a second time and were thwarted again so our weary little family admitted defeat and made our way back to the car (a reasonable distance away) carrying Gwilym ( and also Silas for a bit who was sporting a fat lip from a fall on the pavement).

En route out of town and in the car,  Rory made a quick turn down a side street to grab some Turkish takeways (cheap) before we hit three hours of autostrada with two sleeping boys.

So, you won Florence. We admit defeat and will visit again when we have a) studied art or Roman history , b) the kids have grown up and we can join a bunch of oldies who wander around behind an engaging guide waving a silly flag and talking loudly at each point of interest with some equally silly looking audio-guide hung around our necks or c) the kids are old enough to go off by themselves for the day and I can stare at the paintings I like for as long as I like, eat a long lazy lunch and maybe do a spot of shopping with a bunch of friends who have won lotto like me.